Posts from July, 2012
Well, you know, hey again. The last time we talked I thought I made it off scot-free with the cheese. Wrong. Got busted. So Tuesday morning my routine (you know eatin’ and sleepin’) was disturbed because dad put me in the truck to go to work with him. I thought, oh great he’s gonna punish me for the cheese-nabbin with sharp needles or ear swabs or make me donate blood for another hound or the dreaded stool loop. Please nooooooo… (Crazy dad loves him some cheese you know) But, nope, none of that. Upon arrival he put me in an apartment and told me to be quiet. So for the next 5 hours the German shepherd across the way and I serenaded the whole resort. It was great!! Of course, that Shep was way off key the entire time, which caused a vocal uproar by the schnauzer, the terrier, the poodle, and the boxer. And of course none of them were on key, which caused an uproar by the firetruck siren when it went by. And of course, the firetruck was off key too! (I wonder what all of them did with the money their moms gave ’em for singing lessons) Geez….
Anyhoo, ’bout 1 or so they come and get me. I’m thinking great here comes the shrapnel. But naw, they took me to the lobby and there was a whole bunch of people in there. And they were eating. Eating people food too! But, do you think they offered me any? Negative. I mean I put on the ole puppy dog eyes and all. Not a scrap. Well, dad was in there and it seems they was having some sort of staph meeting. (I can’t figure why they want to meet about bacteria)
So, he makes me lay down on this cushy thang, in front of everybody. So, I’m thinking dad’s really peeved about the cheese and he’s gonna water board me or something. Well, no sirree bob that weren’t it. He started talking to those folks about something called rehab therapy. And then he started moving one of my legs in all kinds of crazy positions. He put some kind of protractor thingy on me and was calling out all kinds of numbers. He then would wiggle my leg and stretch it, and do strange gyrations and when he was done he did another leg. Well, this continued and then he had me stand and did the same thing to my head and neck and back and even my tail. And before you know it, my old joints were feeling good. I’m talking steal the a burger off the grill good. Heck’ steal a CHEESEburger off the grill good. And all this time I’m thinking dad thought he was punishing me for stealing the cheese, but he’s so dumb he just really fixed me good. I ain’t stove up no more! ( Oh and on the way out, I stole someone’s lunch. shhhhhhhh)
Gotta run. Catch ya later!!
Yo, hey, my name is Bunker. I have commandeered my dad’s keyboard while he stepped away. Well, uh, a little about me. I’m an 11 year old yellow lab. Dad adopted me when I was 8 weeks old. My first mom couldn’t keep me, neat lady though. I’ve had a pretty great life with my family. I am an outside dog. I just didn’t go for all that housebreaking stuff. I mean if y’all are gonna have plants in the house you need to understand they gotta be watered. You know, I gotta have my space and privacy too! I mean I like trees and grass and other critters to chase. Anyhow, I’ve got it pretty easy now that I’m a geezer dog: big dog house with cedar shavings and trees and a lake and all. When I was younger I worked pretty hard. Like you know, I had to walk uphill 6 miles, each way, in the snow to fetch the paper and all. But now, I just lay around taking it easy.Well, uh, anyhow, I wanted everyone to know that it sure would be good to take extra care of your pets during this extreme heat. Lots of shade and other stuff like cool fresh water to drink, maybe a hair cut (I got a real cool summer buzz), exercise only when it’s not way hot and stuff. Maybe even a couple a minutes in the house. (but geez I can’t take it long- TV noise, 2 little yappy house dogs and such) Ain’t my style, no sirree bubba. (But listen, there ain’t nothing wrong with house dogs mind you. It’s just my 2 little sisters can annoy me bad). Anyhow, even the uh, house dogs need to be careful in the heat. They stay in the froo froo air condition then hit the door running outside barking at gosh knows what and the next thing you know, boom overheated- know what I mean? What I’m saying is: overheated as panting real hard and fast, wild eyed like they just saw a pink possum, frantic about water, body temperature out the roof- dangerous stuff. So maybe remind them to chill when outside. You got me? And if they do get too hot, don’t shock ’em with ice water baths or nothing. Maybe some cool wet towels, put ’em in the car with the AC wide open, and get to the vet asap.
Oops, I hear dad. Better grab that brand new block of cheese sittin’ up on the kitchen countertop and skedaddle. Catch y’all later!